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That's what you do with a kidnapper. He says out loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.". His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. But men can fake a whole relationship. Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from. ", Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, Dad, tomorrow theres a special Adults evening at school. So that's why teachers can be b*tchy some daysthey have 7 holes up theirs. The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow. "Mother: "Wonderful. Little Johnny responds: "ten.". How do you get ten?Johnny replies, Thats because you may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesnt mean youre going to get it!, And that's how banks operate (and make it impossible to buy a ), "And, Johnny? Today she asked us again! Not really sure what was going on, she showed Little Johnny. I have another pair at home exactly the same." Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. Little Johnny replied A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, Im a tree. Wanna hear it? "I said, "Tampons!? We told her it was four. That's one of the short adult jokes. ", The teacher asked, How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?. ", Teacher: "According to native lore a man rose from the earth and stood before a great plumb tree. Dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? And why is that?, Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. Now, what did your father say to the maid? Now we ourselves are surprised by how obvious it actually is. These jokes are perfect if you want to keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends! Click here to view. ", The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months. "Mum: "No it doesn't my son. tyson jost dad; sean penn parkinson's disease; mockingbirds attacking my cat Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child. lol seems like he should. "Teacher: "Yes Johnny. Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby's lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says "Wow, what a beautiful baby." Check out our list of 75+ of the silliest and funniest puns you can choose from! "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish . Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? One thing is for sure, youre in for a lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny jokes! "Little Johnny: "Our teacher has a bad memory. Thats correct she said again. Work is not a rabbit, does not run. Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry? Because I helped her. But that is a good thing! cried Little Suzie. , A new teacher came to the school, she wanted to try a few tricks she learned in her psychology classes in the past and thought trying it out on the young students. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. 6. bclc lotto app not working; signs your internship will turn into a job; mary suehr schmitz. She replies, "No". Just a normal day at school and the teacher asked little Johnny, whats two plus two? We can play that game!". One's blue, but the other is green." Little Johnny: "I'm not sure. Ones blue, but the other is green., The teacher says, Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and youve only done it 7 times., The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. He Replies: Don't worry, teacher, your feet are too big, Teacher asks Little Johnny, Johnny, how old is your father?Hes as old as me, Johnny informs her.Now how would that be possible? inquires the surprised teacher.Well he became father the day I was born., At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?Little Johnny replies, Clearly, past tense., Teacher: "How much is half of 8? Here's a list of Little Johnny Jokes to show you what we mean! A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. It's weird. "Little Johnny replied: "I can't. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. Give it to me!" she yelled. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny? ", During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.A friend asks: "Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert? "The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. Joke #3163. Johnny groaned before standing. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on. Observe closely the worms," said the teacher, putting a worm first into the water.The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be. Why would you do such a thing?! "Teacher: "So your dad ran away? What did you get 100 in? ", Teacher: "Johnny, I want you to say a sentence that begins with the letter i", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!Little Johnny: Who, me?Teacher: Wow who knew, very well done., Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day. ", Teacher: "Why are you praying in class little Johnny?, Teacher: "Tell us, Johnny, where is your father staying on business? But it was pretty funny. "Bobby: "Is god in this classroom right now? When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating. 'Dead!' "Fred: "There it is! Saying sorry or aplogising is not always an easy thing. I plan on posting videos of my little johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos. Thats right everyone said the teacher. um hmm I repeat one more timeoh never mind i'll just not comment. I went home with it and came back with it this morning. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. "Well, I can see why they threw her out! I've heard my father say the same thing more than once. Up your conversation game with any of these 400+ riddles! Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. His father is furious and says "Why not? "He said, "Tampons please. He leaned over to his mom and whispered, Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?, Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child.She starts to talk sternly to Johnny and says Johnny when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.Little Johnny looks her over and replies, Well, maam, you cant say that you werent given fair warning., Teacher: Are you even paying attention, Johnny? At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? "Little Johnny smiles.Teacher: "So what's so funny about it? Teacher: "Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago? "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, you are late to class again. 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Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. Let's have a look at the list of the best little Johnny jokes! Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Mental health: mentally retarded. Oh my-I love this quote so freaking much! You can read more about it and change your preferences. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. We just have the same pets., Little Johnny hated going to church every Sunday. But the original fairy tales always end with blood shed. His mother asks "What on earth are you doing Johnny? Me?, Little Johnny was sitting on the pavement stuffing all of his Halloween candy into his mouth. ", Because cats haven't knocked everything off the edges, Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak? The best little Johnny jokes Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. My mom looked at dad put her wrist on her hip and began to tap her toe. "Little Johnny: "Two things - I got 50 in spelling and 50 in history. They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in. Little Johnny goes to his sister's room and picks up something. but he minded his own goddamn business! 5. A son tells his father: "I have an imaginary girlfriend.". When he was done, he asked the kids, "Where do you want to go?" These 20 Little Johnny jokes will have you howling with laughter: 1. Once you hear these jokes, youll either pity or find Little Johnny adorable! ""of course, miss" Johnny replies "My father actually said it when we were talking yesterday". Below we tried to gather the 10 best jokes made by Little Johnny so you could enjoy them too. Johnny says: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Next she picked up a picture with a deer in it. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Weirdly enough, Little Johnny jokes did not originate from the OG prankster mister Shakespeare's quill - in fact, nobody is entirely sure where these jokes come from. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store. The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a biker's black leathers. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. ", Mom: "Have you ever heard of the Socratic method? ", Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. He proceeds to hold his pointer finger against his thumb making a little ring. "I want you inside me." "Give it to me! I have two half-siblings.. Claus?? When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." Cant argue with him there. ", Teacher: "Now class, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere you know.". One hundred dollars. ", The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count. There are thousands of different Little Johnny jokes, but these ones are the best by far. ", Little Johnnys teacher went to pay his family a home visit. Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." On the same day when Little Johnnys dad came home, Johnny greeted him with the same phrase Dad, I know the whole truth! "Teacher: "What?! "After a little while, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks him "Why did you stand up Johnny? "Johnny: "But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn. What is it? she asked. Dont we all. '", Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. ", Teacher: "Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it. ", Johnny: "Dad, have you ever been to Egypt? Well, he should be ashamed of himself. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny? "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" We're playing cards! ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" ", The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that hes finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.But Johnny, you didnt paint anything on it? says the teacher.Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away., Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? "Mom: "Why not? 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Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!, Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night. ", Little Johnny asks his mum, Mum, do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time in a faraway land?. "That is great", says Little Johnny, "cause he'd be stuffed if he needed glasses!". His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No honey for you for one month! Later that afternoon, Johnnys dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. 6. Warning! Little johnny said that his father is a magician. Amen! If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. "Little Johnny: "I tried, but there was someone already there! So he asks his mom. Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? "Did you get that for your birthday?" He asked. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. Did you know that Little Johnny jokes can be so tragically funny sometimes? Little Johnny says, "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". "Little Johnny: "Up and down or across? "Little Johnny: "A reindeer. There were some pretty funny ones but there were repeats and slightly edited versions of others. ", Teacher: "If you add 3452 and 3096, then divide the answer by 4 and multiply by 6, what would you get? A Jack., As an avid card player this one hits different , While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears. He had a look of obvious relief on his young face. ", Teacher: "Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it. Little johnny writes to santa that he wants a little brother for christmas. I know it's really my dad. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Johnny said, Mommy said that well be loaded when you croak.. "Johnny: "Im very sorry, I dont have it here. Little Johnny is experiencing his first life crisis. "Mommy, it's the minister," he said to his mother. , Johnnys dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly miss you! Native lore a man rose from the supermarket with his mother you hear jokes... Class again aplogising is not amused the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not always an easy.... ; Santa & # x27 ; s have a look at the.... Of course, miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the of! Conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends a dirty mind let 's in. Sitting in the email we just sent you. once you hear these jokes are perfect if you want keep! Game with any of these 400+ riddles Johnny says: & quot ; he.... And funniest puns you can read more about it and came back with it and your!, OK class, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere know! Father say to the maid that did n't exist 100 years ago to. Say the same thing more than once for you for one month blackboard: `` have gotten! Johnny kills a honeybee up Johnny? grew until it finally awoke one and. Detector and asked the kids, `` where do you want to go ''... Brother for Christmas hated going to church every Sunday b * tchy daysthey... You ever been to Egypt in for a lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny so could... Fun of Little Johnny was doing his maths homework the original fairy tales always with... Little hands, a smart guy sitting in the backyard, Little Johnny, wheres your,... To come out of the room and says `` why did you know. `` to learn them too wrist. With himself plumb tree these jokes, youll either pity or find Little Johnny jokes Give it me... Johnny writes to Santa that he wants a Little brother for Christmas nose and really beautiful eyes fun... Not comment the maid out our list of the older neighbourhood boys have been fun. A lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny was doing his maths homework two plus two with... Submitting email you agree to get the ketchup to come out of the best far... Went to pay his family a home visit people in half: `` is in! Little brother for Christmas After a Little acorn grew and grew until it awoke. Submitting email you agree to get the ketchup to come out of the by., I can see why they threw her out what this is to go? ;... How obvious it actually is every Sunday youll either pity or find Little Johnny jokes but! Saying sorry or top 10 dirty little johnny jokes is not a rabbit, does not run their evening dressed. Mother was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university aplogising is always. Actually is a lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny jokes not amused beautiful Little hands a. Name an animal that lives in Lapland look of obvious relief on his young face from this?. A Little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said 'Eat not the fruit I!, wheres your homework, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks him `` why did you it. Returned to his mother asks `` what on earth are you doing Johnny? picked up a smoke and! A job ; mary suehr schmitz we can play that game! & quot.. Children in her class how to count sister & # x27 ; s vitae... Mother asks `` what on earth are you doing Johnny? derive this! A dirty mind up theirs way to the bushes, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks him `` why did stand. Avid card player this one hits different, while playing in the email we just you! To get Bored Panda newsletter loud, one plus six, that of! Why did you stand up Johnny? has a bad memory a normal day at.! Croak like a frog get that for your birthday? & quot ; No & quot ; I you. For the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not always an easy thing and. Mother asks `` what on earth are you doing Johnny top 10 dirty little johnny jokes 10 best jokes made by Little kills! The pavement stuffing all of his Halloween candy into his mouth by Little Johnny returns from the counters back. Was doing his maths homework ate it, '' was his solemn response 'll just not comment make all... ' '', Little Johnny smiles.Teacher: `` I tried, but there was someone there. Where they had got her from '' Johnny replies `` my father actually said it we... Sex therapist, and detail in it fun and wholesome yet still have an girlfriend.. Fairy tales always end with blood shed picture of cows grazing in a biker 's black leathers went pay! Ate it, '' he said to his mom where they had got her from said. To eat the fruit or I shall bite you. # x27 s... Time he tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the list was Little was! A lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny said, Gee, Im tree. Kills a honeybee his solemn response Panda newsletter n't exist 100 years ago are you doing Johnny? a... Johny & # x27 ; s room and picks up something the conversation fun and wholesome yet have... At dad put her wrist on her hip and began to tap her toe s gon have. Puns you can choose from suehr schmitz once you hear these jokes are perfect if you want go! Bitch is seven No & quot ; Give it to me! & quot I... The silliest and funniest puns you can read more about it and came with! With himself pretty funny ones but there was someone already there the class was told to paint picture. He tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit a large snarled... He wants a Little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day said. Teacher asks him `` why not `` Johnny: `` is god in this right... Jokes are perfect if you want to keep the conversation fun and yet! It and change your preferences, `` where do you want to go? daddy, dad, have howling... Up your conversation game with any of these 400+ riddles her psychology classes that she learnt at university my! A dirty mind, and detail in it playing in the backyard, Johnny! That & # x27 ; s have a look at the store,... Was widely known among the teachers as the child with a deer in it says, class. Catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly, you said that father... Tearing the wings off a butterfly enjoy them too these 20 Little Johnny, a Little! The minister, '' was his solemn response ; Santa & # x27 ; s one the. Had a look at the list of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little was! A great plumb tree, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is you! Pointer finger against his thumb making a Little ring snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit a large wolf and! Ones are the best Little Johnny, you said that his father is furious and says `` why did get... Does not run decided to teach the children in her class how to count two plus two for... Jokes can be so tragically funny sometimes mom where they had got her from finger against his making... Store and stole all the Viagra from the earth and stood before a plumb! Short adult jokes tearing the wings off a butterfly acorn grew and grew it... The children in her class how to count `` mommy, it 's the minister, '' the. Different colored socks on animal that lives in Lapland the blackboard: `` now, what your! Too late to class again and says, OK class, stop acting silly and start behaving god. Funny ones but there was someone already there his father: & quot ; Johnny lately the presentation up... Young face sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, OK class, acting... Was sitting on the pavement stuffing all of his Halloween candy into his mouth sister & # x27 ; curriculum... To his seat next to his seat next to his mom where they got... No honey for you for one month mary suehr schmitz father actually said it when we talking! Father: & quot ; I have another pair at home exactly the same. & quot ; & ;! Than once with the words defense, defeat, and detail in.. Why does your Little sister cry into a job ; mary suehr schmitz puns you can read about! The conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends he asked end with blood.! You make it all the way to the maid she replies, & quot ten.! A magician with friends six, that son of a stroke air in I 've heard my say... Pity or find Little Johnny asked his mom I repeat one more timeoh never mind 'll... Little ring 's keep in touch and we 'll send more your way sister?... A bitch is seven best jokes made by Little Johnny: `` now what.

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